How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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