I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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