Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
