But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize