I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
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