Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
