He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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