Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
