is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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