Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We had to coat check the pizza.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
