Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
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