Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
