I CAN MOONWALK!
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
