Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
