There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I enjoy the company of your penis
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
