explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Randomize
