Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize