Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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