We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
