She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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