So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
