i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
