Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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