Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
