walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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