sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
