Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Your dad touched me again.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
COCAINE IS GR8
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
