i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
