how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
