well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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