i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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