I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
