My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
