Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
