what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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