CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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