Ambien. No doubt about it.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize