they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
