I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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