I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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