I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
