I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
