I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize