i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
