Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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