...so i touched it.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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