maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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