is your mom at the bar?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
