So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
this just has baby written all over it
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
