I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
