The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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