omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
