Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
