So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
