giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
