The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
