I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Randomize
