I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
