Sponge bath it is.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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