I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
