i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
