Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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