meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
