how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
