Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
