I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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