I am puke
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
