my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
