i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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