Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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